Foreboding

Do you ever just get the feeling something is not right? Like something is off, or something bad is going to happen. Yet no matter how hard you try to figure out why you have these nagging feelings, you can not pin point it until it happens?

I have no idea if it pertains to Lily or our upcoming move. I would take the later rather then something wrong with Lily of course, but I can't help feel something is wrong with her heart. More so then normal that is. Of course if I called the doctors, what do I tell them? That something doesn't feel right in my gut. That she looks normal on the outside, but I fear there is a war raging on the inside? Do I say she seems short of breath, but not all the time. Or that she is sweaty, but that is Lily's MO? I see her lips get a deep reddish/blue, or she seems to be dusky around the mouth, but when I get someone else's opinion, she looks just fine. I wonder if it is my eyes playing tricks on me. She just had an echo done, she was holding stable with her grating on the valve. We all know surgery is looming, but not something that needs to be done right now. And from what I have been told, I don't have to worry about her going into heart failure because of this problem. She won't deteriorate that quickly, not like last time.

Ugh I don't know. I just don't like this feeling. There is nothing I can do but give it to God and pray for peace. What will come, will come, and no matter what, He will see us through it all. That is the comfort I have, that no matter what, I will not be alone, and even if I stumble, I will be caught. I will weather the storm, dancing through it...just don't watch...I may look goofy!